It’s really odd to be diagnosed with a chronic illness at 26. So lightly, they told me I have a 50% chance of fertility but cannot be sure. I ask ” can we do fertility tests to know for sure now ? ”

The doctor said they couldn’t, I had to start trying for kids before they started trying tests on me. What we can do is put you on an oral contraceptive to help alleviate symptoms and to slow down the growth of the cyst.

“Is that my only option? My mental health really suffered last time I was in oral contraceptive.”

The doctor said well, it will likely alleviate the pain you’re experiencing and reduce the likely hood you end up in the hospital again.

So this was what I did. I took the birth control for 5 weeks and bled for 5 weeks and was absolutely crazed for 5 weeks. Then they switched my ratios and the pills and I stopped bleeding and became less crazy, just sad. My hair started falling out and I gained weight and life just got really dull. Even as I stretched towards two dreams of mine, they were muted by hormones. My marathon meant not much to me and the excitement of Australia was number. It all turned light grey and slow.

There I have stayed for 8 months until yesterday, when a pain creeped up on me over 12 hours to a relentless pounding on my brain and joints and muscles till I was nauseous and frozen standing still with pain I can’t think through. I left work and a dear coworker of mine rushed me to the women’s hospital and the pain relaxed with the laughs and shared hatred towards the messed up system we call global women’s health research. Oh yes, and lots of Ibuprofen.

They gave me more anti inflammatories, pelvic exam, pap smear, STI test, urine sample, blood work, the usual.

They reviewed my last internal ultrasound, showed the cyst steadily getting bigger over 5 months and they told me I was probably experiencing some light torsion of my ovary not a full rotation. The ER doctors said I couldn’t get an ultrasound today ( for some unknown reason) but to get one sooner than my one scheduled in 6 weeks. The ER doctor said, if it happens again, please come back though…. So it’s not enough to do anything about it and it’s too much to just manage independently….

Today, I call the imaging center for the hospital and they say they can’t do anything because they received no referral from the ER doctor. I requested a referral from the ER facility but they sent me back to the imaging reception, and around and around and around.

My 6 minute GP, did give me a referral last week for another facility so I have sent that referral to the hospitals imaging center via email. Now I wait, for a text I was told….

There is so much more to discuss in this. I’m so overwhelmed with the bloated feeling in my abdomen and the ache in my brain and heart of having a foreign body inside me and the nuetral response of the medical providers. Why is this normal? We don’t leave cancer in people’s bodies, do we? We don’t leave shrapnel in bodies unless stable. My body isn’t stable it’s crying out for help and I can’t get that across to show that providers I want help, I want a better option, I don’t want to live like this.