I’ve been spending too much time on screens. Feels like everything I do is on a screen though. Work is a computer, leisure is a TV, catching up with loved ones is a phone…. Heck even this side hobby is another screen. My eyes are starting to hurt and ache from many many hours of blue light. Yes, I have some nice blue light avoiding glasses I wear occasionally and they do help a lot.

I have begin to have some nasty habit of come home shower, eat a snack, pick up a little, scroll, make dinner, scroll a lot, clean up the rest of the house and then bed-ish. Likely more scroll. That adds up to idk 4 hours of screen time in the evening…. After my work contracted 8 hrs…. Geeesh. So how do we fix this? More hobbies that are outdoorsy, more friends that want to meet up and likely a whole lot of self forgiveness and patience.

Life here has been thrilling, exhausting, beautiful and depressing for so many many reasons I should have already blogged about ( I’m trying ). I moved here for natural beauty, work life balance and some sort of personal growth.

• Natural beauty ✔️
• Work life balance ✔️ ( too much life on my hands coincidentally, who would have guessed? )
• Personal growth, ummm ✔️?

It gets complicated, I am growing and learning about myself a lot in a very one on one way. I feel comfortable alone, figured that one out a bit ago but there is new depths to this that I didn’t know I hadn’t figured out.

Being alone vs Not Being Needed

I’m not needed, except to myself for emotional, fiscal, and health needs. For example, my relationship continues to develop like making croissant dough ( a pain in the ass and probably too much butter ) but layered and lovely and independent. No immediate complaints there, I am quite happy with my partner and intend to continue to laminate together, forever. At work, no one is really needed for anything because no one here really needs anything but money for holiday and there 5 bests mates from high school. My role simply makes a few gears turn and no one’s the wiser.

The work thing has definitely come as a surprise though. To be needed by a team is so fulfilling, even in stressful, underpaid and down right miserable conditions. I fully believe we are community beings and without feeling useful and a part of something bigger than yourself it gets all, meh? Work isn’t a personality trait for everyone and I know there are more then a few people that work for their paychecks and that’s that. Unfortunately, that isn’t me. There is real since of purpose that came with my work in the states and I do feel a bit of my spark and smarts dulling in the Australian laid back sweltering afternoons M-F.

What is interesting and crucial to all this is reflecting to decide if this is growth. I do think this is growth, but what I’m not sure is, is it in a direction I want to go and is it a new version of myself I want to become?